healthy snacks for kids to make, lunches, parties, on the go

hi, i'm new here.  i'm not sure what i have is an eating disorder, but i think my relationship with food is extremely unhealthy.  how does one know if it's COE or just eating too much? i'll tell a little about the things that concern me, maybe someone here can point me in the right direction? spoilered, just in case. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * where to start? yes, i have a terrible body image.  i am utterly convinced that if i were thin (or even normal), my life would be perfect.  i have fantasies about cutting the _layer_s of fat from my body with a razor.  i have dreams of getting cancer of the stomach and having it removed to i can stop eating. when i go to a restaurant, and i see a thin woman eating normal food, i hate her.  i get so angry it ruins whatever good mood i was in, and forces me to order desert.  i look at everyone's shopping cart at the grocery, and am embarrassed at the contents of mine.  sometimes i'll make several trips to different stores so i won't seem like a fat person buying food i shouldn't. yes, i am overweight.  i obsess about BMI and height weight charts.  i go on impossibly restrictive diets, then hate myself when i can't follow them. lesser diets seem pointless, so i give up on them before i even start.  when i'm stressed, i start to think about a certain food _object_, and will become completely obsessed with it, to the point that i can't focus on anything else until i eat it.  and then i hate myself for eating it.  i do not binge, though sometimes when i'm really upset, i kind of space out how much i'm eating and don't realize i've finished the entire container of food until i'm done. i spend hours thinking about what to prepare for my next meal, shooting down every option as too bad for me, too fattening, hating myself for even considering eating something i shouldn't.  then i give in and eat it anyway, just this once.  then i hate myself for eating it. i have always admired anorexic people.  as a teenager i watched the after school specials with fascination and envy.  yes, i know this is silly.  but they seem to have so much control, they can decide whether to eat or not. i, on the other hand, am becoming anxious right now at the mere thought of not being able to eat. reading this ng can be difficult, because i have so much envy for these people who are recovering from a disease, and all i can think about is that i want their disease. i spent three years as an amphetamine addict, because it allowed me to be thin.  when it stopped working (ie:  it totally screwed up my _meta_bolism so that i couldn't loose weight even eating nothing), i quit using it.  and then i ate for the next year straight, as if replacing the drug with food. sorry if this is TMI- i've never actually expressed all of this at once before.  it doesn't look too good, i guess. thanks, kc